Lumberjack Express

I’ve come to realize that this Kesha girl’s songs are one big, “FUCK YOU” to humanity, much like single ply toilet paper was in the past.  Damn you single ply…I JUST ROLL YOU UP ANYWAYS!  I SAVE NO MONEY!  I SAVE NOTHING!

I’m sitting here after eating a gigantic bowl of chili with beans.  My asshole is the gate keeper to many evils that will be unleashed to this world.

Essentially I gotta take a crap.

But I can’t take anymore of this fucking song!  IT’S INFURIATING!  I’m not an uptight guy, I honestly am super laid back, but I have NO idea what this lady’s agenda is or what her plan for the world might be, so I once again tread very dangerous waters so that I might decipher the meanings behind her new song, aptly titled “Blah Blah Blah.”

For your record, below is the previous post where I translated that Tik Tock song.  Another fine moment in human history.

Tik Tok I’ma Fight Till I See My Butt Light

The true meanings of the words have been bolded.

Blah Blah Blah by Kesha
Fuck You Youth of America by A Fake Rebellious Whore

Coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah
I’ve swallowed your jizzim
Just zip your lips like a padlock
Our transaction is through, tonight.
And meet me at the back with the jack and the jukebox
Two crispy tacos, large coke
I dont really care where you live at
I make my bed in a dumpster
Just turn around boy and let me hit that
Spousal abuse is wrong, no matter who initiates it
Don’t be a little bitch with your chit chat
One day a washed up MMA fighter will make me his bride
Just show me where your dick’s at
Look within ME

Music’s up
Mark McGuire is batting cleanup
Listen hot stuff
Suitable mate, I call to thee
I’m in love
I’ve never known the love of a true human
With this song
My butt’s flapping gently in the wind
So just hush
This hangover could destroy 1/2 of Europe
Baby shut up
I’ve produced offspring
Heard enough
My grasp on the English language is tenuous, at best.

Stop talking that
Three word lines are my greatest achievement
Blah blah blah
shit shit shiiiiit
Think you’ll be getting this
I’ve not bathed in months
Nah nah nah
I said my first word at the age of 8
Not in the back of my
The back of my butt has seen many suitors
Car-ar-ar
This is the laziest line in all of music history
If you keep talking that
This song is hard to decipher, because
Blah blah blah blah blah
There is literally no meaning in any of these lines

Boy come on get your rocks off
Place your seed within me
Come put a little love in my glove box
My vagina is the size of a modern vehicle’s glove compartment
I wanna dance with no pants on
Oddly enough, I sleep in a parka
Meet me in the back with the jack and the jukebox
Where’s my two crispy tacos and coke?
So cut to the chase kid
In a few years when I top off at about two and some change, there won’t be a chase as much as a waddle
‘Cause I know you don’t care what my middle name is
My first name is used in demonic incantations
I wanna be naked
I enjoy a speedy path towards motherhood
But your wasted
This matters not
Music’s up
This is not music
Listen hot stuff
I can’t see straight
I’m in love
This feeling in my genitals signals attraction towards you/it
With this song
I would mate with my iPod if I hadn’t lost it
So just hush
Ironic that I tell someone else to shut up
Baby shut up
See previous line
Heard enough
If this lady has ever read a book, I’ll donate 50 dollars to the charity of your choosing

Stop talking that
This song isn’t over is it?
Blah blah blah
I could have sworn I made fun of this exact same line 8 times now
Think you’ll be getting this
Honestly, I’m single, and if she offered herself to me, I’d have to punch my dick
Nah nah nah
This is correct
Not in the back of my
Her back has seen more action than Afghanistan
Car-ar-ar
This woman cannot possibly operate heavy machinery.
If you keep talking that
It was a genius move to give her a record deal.  Somewhere, a record exec is having sex with a mound of coccaine
Blah blah blah blah blah
shit shit shit shit shit

You be delaying,
My pregnancy is forthcoming
You always be saying some shit
I really did order 2 crispy tacos and a coke
You say I’m playing,
Life is not a game, but doing an 8 ball in a dingy club bathroom is
I’m never laying the bitch
I don’t know what this means
Sayin’ “blah, blah blah”
I think this was created by a random word generating machine
’cause I don’t care who you are
I don’t know the difference between subtraction and addition
In this bar
I was conceived in this exact same bar
It only matters who I is
The grammar nazi’s would hunt her down for this one

Stop talking that Blah blah blah
This song is 4 minutes too long
Think you’ll be getting this
Not doing this again
Nah nah nah
I thought I could do this whole bit again with her songs but I can’t
Not in the back of my
I really does pain me to try and make a joke out of this, it’s just so sad
Car-ar-ar
To think, kids are listening to this and we think that’s alright.  This is worse than drugs
If you keep talking that
She’s on drugs!  are you on drugs!?
Blah blah blah blah blah
Fuck this shit.  I hereby will never do another one of these again.  I nearly killed myself 1/2 way through, because I thought I was stuck in some recurring loop hell and that everytime I hit enter, this whole endeavor got one line LONGER and not SHORTER.  For a split second I believed that I had died moments ago, and was stuck in a limbo of blah blah blah.  This truly is the closest recreation of hell.  I pray to a God who has long forgotten me that this woman doesn’t have another #1 hit song so that I might be free of her tyranny.  I beg of you, Lord, do not let me fall into temptation and do this again!  Jesus, why did you have to unleash this beast upon the world?  HUMANITY CRIES OUT FOR FORGIVENESS!

I’m kind of hungry for jack in the box tacos now…mmm….american cheese in tacos….mmmm…..

In my apartment.

This might have to do something with me constantly cooking grilled onions around here. Which is fine, I love grilled onions. I just look at my couch sometimes and think,

“Man, some poor bastard’s gonna plop his chunky ass down in that seat and throw up when they get a good dank whiff of grilled onions.”

HERE’S HOW I MAKE GRILLED ONIONS!

1: Chop up the onions
2: Put them in a non stick skillet that has melted butter in it.
3: throw in garlic salt and pepper
4: Mix around. Put cover on skillet. Cook on medium/low-medium heat with cover on.
5: Every 3 minutes or so move the stuff around. The cover is on there so the onions don’t burn, rather, they get mushy and cooked through.
6: When they’re at your desired consistency, throw in some soy sauce into the mix. Just toss it all around, you’ll find your medium. Cover and cook about 2min more
7: Eat the grilled onions
8: Poop grilled onions.

The grilled onions are delicious on burgers, on top of refried beans, in chili, whatever you want. Use it with EVERYTHING I know I do.

The trick is the soy sauce. It gives the onions some juice and makes them a little sweet. Perfect taste.

This show was brought to you by the letter: Diarrhea.

I really got to get to my comic shop. It’s been about 3 weeks, I should have a good amount of stuff in my pull box.

Pull Box
-noun
1.Some shit that nerds use to put comics aside every week so they can get their spiderman comic ON TIME or else they’ll just start pinching their dick tip as hard as they can to dull the pain of not having comics every Wednesday (except for holidays when it’s delayed DUH)

Anywho, click below for the new adventures of John and Unicorn!!!!

Breakin’ 3 Unicorn Boogaloo…

I’d like to take a moment just sit right there…

With great power comes…

Row row row your boat…

ta daaaa!!!!

Also, you might think I made one lousy post on Wednesday, I did NOT sir! This thing took 3 hours man! I had to draw all these quick and arrange them and shit, this was tedious and very labor intensive! Dis is BULLSHIT man, BULLSHIT that it took so long for one post! I wrote junk below the pictures too! CHECK BELOW THE PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!!

Another installment of the Lost anablog.  Don’t know what an anablog is?  Lemme describe it for you again:

It’s where I don’t have channel 7 so I go to people’s houses and write down what I see or feel from the tv while it’s going on and I come back here and post it on the website because I wrote it all on paper and it’s like real time but in the past but now it’s in the present but it’s analog not digital run on sentence.

Enjoy!

Enjoy = look below for parts 1-6 dumbass!