I’ve finally decided to try to eat the dark chocolate Peanut Butter with a banana. I say, “A” banana, because if I eat too much of this dark chocolate Peanut Butter my butt goes on strike and I gotta call in negotiators for them to open the place up.
I like super ripe bananas too. I want them mushy, though I like all foods mushy. I’m a toddler in a grown man’s body. If I could eat strained nachos with a spoon, I probably would.
And there you have it.
A lot of these little pieces of banana with dark chocolate Peanut Butter look like 1950’s greaser haircuts. They all want to get up and start dancing with Olivia Newton John…
Did I get that reference right? Lemme check…
YUP! Holy FUCK how did i get a grease reference? I don’t even like that stupid movie, let alone seen more than 8 minutes of it. The hell is wrong with me for getting that? Ugh. I’m an old fuddy duddy.
Did I say fuddy duddy?
ANYWHO, Maranatha melded together great with the bananas. Good banana taste with a bit of sweetness. You can’t taste the chocolate or the Peanut Butter other than the slight sweetness and texture. It combined great, I guess that’s why there’s a lot of banana desserts out there.
Peanut Butter and Co. with bananas tasted like a banana and a reecess peanut butter cup. THAT’S IT!
ONTO THE JUDGING!
Maranatha all natural dark chocolate Peanut Butter gets…
A dad playing catch with his son.
Peanut Butter and Co. dark chocolate Peanut Butter gets:
A baseball player sliding to his actual home.
With an overall score of…
A little toy doggy that my Godson left at my place when they visited a long while ago and if you pinch it’s foot it starts to bark.
It’s weird being cooped up in one place all day, without being paid for it, that is. It was a beautiful day outside, but very windy. The last time I went out in this type of wind I jogged in it, and couldn’t breathe right for about 2 months. I was thinking of jogging today, and doing upper body stuff tomorrow, but instead flipped them. I did situps and pushups in my living room as I was making chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner.
This is all boring for anyone not named John, but it’s needed to push out the dull, so I can usher in the normal.
There is no “and” and “me” there. But she came home right now, and not 1/2 a second after getting IN the door? SLAM!
Here’s my thinking. You get in the door and you’re rushing in and you throw the door closed. That means like, there should be SOME delay to the slamming. No delay this time. She either hates the world, or hates that fucking door. What’d the door do to her? Also, her dog barks a lot, I think because it’s DEAF from all the slamming, and is trying to cry out for help.
I like barking dogs, it means that someone is nearby, which is fine. In my entire life I think a barking dog has annoyed me…twice. And one of those times it wasn’t even a lot of annoyance.
Anywho, I think she deafened that dog with her slamming. Also my pictures hanging on the wall that’s attached to her door are always crooked because she feels like she needs to show the world the might she contains, like so:
If movies are to believed, I should find the woman of my dreams folding her clothes next to me, and then I’ll get that big promotion and make amends with an estranged relative!
If reality is to be believed, some dude will probably hit on me, and I’m going to drop a sock down the gutter while walking to my car.
Beware aging hippies who listen to epic rock, really loud. This includes most songs by lynard skynard, as well as some bands you’ve probably never heard of, but the song goes on for 18 minutes. This is usually the type of music that say, Martin Sheen listened to as he was going ball fucking nuts in Apocalypse Now. This is the “rub shit over my face as I contemplate how many bullets I need” type of music.
Or it’s aging hippie angry sex music. Either way, someone’s going to get fucked tonight, and it sure as hell ain’t gonna be me.
That dumbass KESHA or some shit, whatever the fuck her name is, anywho, her song/s are getting bigger every day, like a boil on the asshole of America. My point is, I need to further my manifesto on Lady Gaga’s wonderful song, “Bad Romance” before everyone forgets the song even exists and goes back to making love to Hotel California, or whatever it is old folks do over at Leisure World in Seal Beach.
The thing with Bad Romance, is it’s a story, and it’s math, put together. NONE of you notice this! You just continue to swerve in between lanes as you hear this song because you want your Hyundai to dance to the music like you only dreamed you could!
I’m hopped up on chili, and ketchup, so some of this isn’t going to make sense. Just sit tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite, and SHUT THE FUCK UP while I educate!
Let me break down how a story works, ok?
A story works like this: if it’s entertaining, and keeps your interested, it’s a good story. If it loses it’s appeal, it sucks.
This isn’t rocket science. You thought I was going to come down off the mountain with stone tablets of pop music wisdom? GO TO CHURCH!
No, as with everything in life, if something gets stale, it gets boring. If it’s boring, you lose interest. If you lose interest, you go away. That’s a large part of why marriages fall apart. People think that just because you’re married, you HAVE to stay married to this person, and you don’t have to put any effort into it, since they’ll never leave. So you start to neglect that person as you focus on other things, since you believe they’ll always be there. That sort of thinking is equivalent to…fat. You don’t have to work to maintain fat. It’s just there. It’ll be there whether you like it or not. Muscle, though, is attractive but you have to work towards it. You have to constantly be aware of the state of your muscles or else they’ll go away. So you put a lot of effort into maintaining these muscles, and, you’re rewarded for it. But if you treat a marriage like fat, and just expect it to be there without you giving any sort of effort towards it, slowly it all turns ugly. Treat a marriage like a muscle, instead of a fat, and you’ll cherish it every day!
*DISCLAIMER* Fat people aren’t ugly. If you read it as such, you need to go outside and get some fresh air or something.
Bad Romance is NOT ugly. It’s the musical equivalent of Mr. Universe times TWO. THREE maybe if it sucks in it’s stomach just a LEEEETLE bit. Bad Romance works extremely hard to make you interested in it, for the entire duration of the song.
See, other songs have a good chorus, some filler shit, then the chorus all over again. You simply wait for the chorus to come back so you can enjoy it again. These songs are forgotten, and only remembered in quick instances at alcohol fueled parties/clubs, but by then, you’ve forgotten what you were listening to and are trying to remember what your keys are doing in the toilet.
Let’s take an example of a popular song that you once loved, but is now kind of annoying:
See, the whole fucking song is annoying. All you wait for is the stupid chorus. At clubs, the DJ starts to play this garbage and everyone just gets a little excited, but then the chorus starts up and everyone goes nuts! All the chicks in the crowd start to get jazzed because they think this song is playing FOR THEM! They believe that they’re finally released from the shackles of their life and will reclaim their God given RIGHT to party till they see the sun light!
WRONG!
You work at AVIS Rent-a-Car! Get over yourself! You aren’t starving in Canada, your life is GOOD. There are people with REAL problems in their lives. If you don’t have a REAL problem stop dancing to this SHITTY SONG! Your dance moves suck and your purse is played out OH NO HE DI’NT!
Anywho, this same syndrome happens with Bon Jovi’s, “Living on a Prayer” as seen below:
Same garbage happens again. You get slightly excited when you hear that intro, not because the whole song is good, but because you KNOW the chorus will eventually come and you can finally pee your pants as you jump up and down like a fucking moron.
WRONG!
BON JOVI LIVING ON A PRAYER IS A FLAWLESS SONG FOR THE AGES! LONG AFTER EVERYONE HAS FORGOTTEN YOUR CONTRIBUTION TO THIS WORLD BON JOVI WILL LIVE ON! HE’S ETERNAL! HE’LL NEVER DIE! HIS HAIR WILL GIVE RISE TO THE NEW GENERATION OHHHHHHHH WE’RE HALF WAY THERE!
Superman.
Anywho, that KESHA song is bullshit and you know it. Waiting for a chorus is SHIT. That’s why Bad Romance is GOLD!
Wait hold on I’m still listening to Living on a Prayer…oooooooo we gotta hold on! Ready or not! You live for the fight but that’s all that you got! WHOOOAAAA WE’RE HALF WAY THERE! WHOOOAAA LIVING ON A PRAYER!
You all have it in your head now, don’t you?
Watch the video as you read the below!!!
Bad Romance starts off pretty innocently. Lady Gaga starts going oooooo and shit. Then she announces the song like a rapper announces their name. Then it all goes ra ra ra ah ah ah gaga ooo la la la and then the beat hits, right? She repeats again but what’s that? You hear LINCOLN LOGS hitting each other! There’s that over the beat! Then she sings right? She’s saying how she wants some man/woman/it something, she want’s your lav lav lav lav she wants your lav.
Then she goes into this whisper, then she goes I WANT YOUR LOVING I WANT YOUR REVENGE YOU AND ME CAN HAVE A BAD ROMANCE! and then continues the chorus, right? Awesome chorus right? So you’re like “Fuck, can’t wait till that chorus comes back! I gotta go through some garbage now, right?
WRONG!
She does the whole ra ra ra thing but there’s a dude’s voice behind it now! It’s DIFFERENT! Now she’s singing more, but they’re NEW words, with different SOUNDS in the background now! Hear that “HEY!” sound? That’s to add MORE variety into the background. Now the “CAUSE I’M A FREE BITCH BABY!” Tt’s to add more diversity to the SAME thing you heard before!!! Now the chorus! But it’s different! There was a slightly different lead in! Now the OOHHHHHH part, right? And you’re thinking one last thing of singing right? NO! She goes RA RA RA RA thing again and now more story? NO! She pulls back! MOVE THAT BITCH CRAZY! It’s a CHORUS within a CHORUS! GENIUS! Now she wants your love, and we’re reaching a crescendo it’s building up, the sound in the back is building, she doesn’t want to be friends DAMNIT SHE DOESN’T WANT TO BE FRIENDS!!! WHY’D YOU POO A ROMANCE! CHORUS TIME!!! Now you’re fully into it and she’s emphasizing words now, she didn’t do that before! WHY’D YOU POO ROMANCE! WHY’D YOU POO ROMANCE!!! OHHHHHHOHHHHHHH CAUGHT IN A BAD ROMANCE! Now she ends the song, with the ra ra ra thing BUT NOW WITH CLAPPING!
Fuck, I wrote that whole thing AS the song was going, my hands hurt
The thing is, she takes a normal song, and every so often, adds a slightly new element to make that repeated portion of the song, DIFFERENT than the previous one. This is how she keeps your interest through the entire song, and how you find SLIGHTLY newer things in it each time you listen to it. If you listen to Living on a Prayer, you’ve heard the same thing the 1,000th time as you did the first. But with Bad Romance, she tells a story a LITTLE different each time you hear it, so it keeps you intrigued through the entire thing! It’s genius! It’s storytelling mixed with math! There’s an equation to her song, and I’ve figured it out! I can’t write it down, it’s in my mind, but it’s in there and I know, I KNOW man!
Can she duplicate this level of genius again? Probably not. It would take a leap of creativity even I might not be capable of. Am I the smartest man in the world? Yes I am. Will I solve your problems? Ok, but we have to listen to Bad Romance first.
I want to marry Lady Gaga. I would flex that muscle every day. Also, she’s rich, and I’d like a BMW.
This concludes this part of the Lady Gaga Manifesto. Will there be others? I’m not sure. I pretty clearly described the genius of Bad Romance. If you didn’t get it then, you’ll never get it. Just enjoy the song, and be thankful that she’s using her powers for good.
This took me awhile. I’m going to try and do one comic a day. But I’m going to post them all on Wednesday. So the DATES on the comics might be like, 4 days ago, but rest assured, I actually uploaded them on Wednesday. I know some of you might be confused and startled, but just grab a hold of your SENSE! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF AND READ SOME COMICS!!!!
And WHAT an episode!!! Man, Sayid fucks some people up, he gets fucked up, he fucks a fuck, all sorts of fucking. I liked this episode a lot, even though it didn’t reveal much.
That’s the thing. They won’t reveal jack shit until the last 2 episodes. Why would they? They want you to watch! All this shit is filler. It’s each character’s different live’s and how they would have lived them if they island didn’t f them up. It’s boring, I know, but they can’t just say the one big secret, SUPER slow over 14 hours of programing. They gotta do SOMETHING! It’s like foreplay before sex, but without crying.
I give this episode 4 out of 17 stars, with 5 being the max, 16 being the lowest. The only way they could have made this better is if Kate and some other chick character started getting it on, and then Kate ran away naked all awkward as shit, like she normally runs.
