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I like trunks…
posted by hervatski
on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 23:14
They’re like wearing boxers, but acceptable in public. Sadly, I don’t have the body to wear boxers and have women throw their vaginas at me. Vaginas detach, if you didn’t already know this. Or is that a shoe? Shoe, vagina, same thing if you think about it.
The water is NEVER warm…
posted by hervatski
on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 23:14
I’ve never stepped into the ocean and thought “Wow, I’m going to just jump right in!” No. Every time the thought is, “Wow, if I go in any further my nuts will implode in on themselves.” I have something weird with me in terms of hot and cold. I can’t stand hot or cold things in my mouth. I can eat spicey food like nothing, but very mild food that’s oven hot? Forget it. I love warm things though, like mittens!
Toilets have been giving me problems…
posted by hervatski
on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 23:14
for a long time. I’ve never met a toilet I can’t clog. No, not because of the monster shits. The toilets welcome them. No, because of the insane amount of toilet paper I use. I just…I wonder how people use like, 2 squares. Does that mean a 4 pack of toilet paper lasts them 8 years? I go through a roll a day! And that’s without eating anything with fiber! Man, I make the quilted northern people a LOT of money.
Remember those plastic skates they used to make?
posted by hervatski
on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 23:14
Where you’d push off on them and go MAYBE 7 inches forward? And they made the most HORRIBLE sound on the concrete?
Fuck those things.
I had a dream…
posted by hervatski
on Mon, 07/09/2012 - 23:14
That a chocolate donut was floating above me. So when I woke up for a split second I still saw the donut, so I reached out for it. When my hand passed through air, THROUGH the donut, I got super sad for a good minute 
This isn’t a joke, this HAPPENED. I’m still kinda bummed about the whole ordeal. Mostly because chocolate covered donuts are usually my favorite. I mean, don’t get me wrong, glazed is still king. But chocolate covered is pretty much the uber hot chick in the crowd. You want the skanky chick for a minute, but you want to show off the hot chick. You wanna eat the glazed, but you want to LOVE the chocolate.
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