Hervatski.com – A little bit of everything. And Unicorn.

I feel ashamed.  I feel…sad.  I…I’m just glad I feel, because I did something wrong.  So wrong.  Mondays and Fridays are Peanut Butter blow out ha-cha-cha-cha days.  And what was on friday?

Nothing.

Friday?

Nothing.

Friday!?!?!?

PANCAKES I LOVE YOU PANCAKES!!!

But NO!  I’m not putting Peanut Butter on pancakes…though…that would be insanely delicious…

So I’m trying to make it up to you today.  Sorry for the lapse in judgment.  It probably won’t happen again maybe.  Ok it definately will.

Anywho, I’m doing the exact OPPOSITE of putting Peanut Butter ON pancakes!  In fact, I’m putting it IN-

CEREAL!

What, you don’t believe me?

FUCK YOU you don’t believe me!

I know what you’re thinking…

“John, did a caramel man take a caramel shit in your frosted flakes?”
“I’m…not sure if that’s slightly racist or not…”

I didn’t know what to expect, in fact, I didn’t care what I wanted to expect.  I just wanted to fucking get these pictures done so I could put on some pants and go to work.  And then this happened-

and then this happened…

HOLY SHIT BALLS LAURA SCUDDERS PEANUT BUTTER IN FROSTED FLAKES IS FREAKING DELICIOUS!!!

Seriously, it’s like having corn flakes that taste like Peanut Butter Captain Crunch.  I know what you’re thinking,

“John, you’re sexy.”
“Why, thank you!”

And then you thought,

“Fuck, REO Speedwagon is quite the assortment of ugly dudes.”
“No shit.”

And then you thought,

“Why don’t you just eat Peanut Butter Captain Crunch?”
“Pretty much because I don’t want to bleed from the mouth?”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“You’re sexy.”
“Why, thank you!”

Captain Crunch declares war on the roof of my mouth, and I’m usually on the losing end of that battle.  I have to wait 18 weeks for the fucking cereal to get soggy enough where I can actually eat that garbage.  On top of that, the stupid little balls float on the milk THATS WHAT SHE SAID! so you can’t get the balls fully immersed in milk THATS WHAT SHE SAID!

But with corn flakes, that shit turns soggy moments right BEFORE the milk hits it.  It’s like it anticipates the milk and just gives up, wets itself, and then gets doused with milk.  It’s GREAT!

We all know my affection with soggy shit.  I love soggy stuff.  So to finally have something that tastes like Peanut Butter Captain Crunch but in soggy form?  This must be what the Israelites asked Moses for, but then he came back and was all like “We’re free!” and they’re all like “Where’s our soggy Captain Crunch?” and he’s all like, “Aw…”

The smooth one was aces.  Really freaking, just, perfect.  It’s like that model or actor you always wanted to bang, and you finally get your chance, and just as you’re about to get to the fun part, a pizza is delivered to your door and you’re like “Whatever Cindy Lauper, go the fuck home, I’m eating this Dominos and watching TGIF.”

But the chunky one didn’t have much flavor this time.  It’s hard with all those peanuts in there.  It was good, but didn’t really disperse much.  It’s the creamy Peanut Butter that really permeates through the cereal to give it some flavor.  When the chunky breaks up, there’s not much creamy to go around, so you’re left with nuts…

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!

ONTO THE JUDGING!!!

Laura Scudder’s creamy Peanut Butter gets…

A dolphin pissing on a tree.

Laura Scudder’s chunky Peanut Butter gets…

Teen Wolf riding on a sedan.

With an overall score of…

A lima bean.

Thank you.