Hervatski.com – A little bit of everything. And Unicorn.

“John, why do you think you’re constipated?”
“Well Dr. McDreamy, I’ve been eating an inordinate amount of peanut butter for the past two months.  What can I do, doctor?”
“You can go fuck yourself.”

Awesome.

Really, my poo schedule is all fucked up.  I wish I could come to you all with good news, but my butt is in dire straights.  What I do for science…

WHAT’S ON THE MENU LUNCH LADY!?

Honestly I had just cut the stupid pear, how’s it getting brown already?

I’m not sure why I bought pears from Ralphs.  I like the taste of pear, but the feeling they leave in your mouth is weird.  Like a weird sandy wax sort of consistency.  But they’re so delicious…I’m distracted cause now the black eyed peas are on.  Pop music is SO FUN!  I like to sometimes…

Teeny Little Super Guy!  Where’d you come from!?  How you been man?  Goddamn that character scared the SHIT out of me on sesame street.  What sort of balls tripping hippie WEIRDO thought to put a little cartoon guy on a cup that MELTS into the ground to go between places?!  They were ALL on LSD!  They didn’t IMAGINE the cup melting, they SAW the fucking thing melt in front of them!  Also you like how the peanut butter is just kind of throw on the pears there in no order?  Fuck that cup scared me…

Pears with Peanut Butter was the same as apples with Peanut Butter, but less juicy.  The pear flavor COMPLETELY eclipsed the PB.  You could barely taste it, so much so, that even the saltiness of the peanuts did not shine through.  I’m writing a letter to my congressman.

ONTO THE JUDGING!

No salt organic Peanut Butter gets:

A picture of the moon spitting on the sun.

Unsweetened organic Peanut Butter gets:

A picture of Oscar the Grouch.

With a final score of:

A picture of the jars of Peanut Butter making out.

Thank you.