Lets get on with this organic BULLSHIT already, ok? ALRIGHT! 2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate?
By Hervatski on February 1st, 2010Posted In: In Peanut Butter,Peanut Butter - February
FUCK YOU.
Today begins our sordid journey with ORGANIC ALL NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER! That’s bad. BAD, ok?
Some dudes say “I like a girl, who’s all natural” No you don’t dude. No you don’t. Every girl who you THOUGHT was natural, was not natural. She just had a TINY bit of makeup and a little perfume. She basically wore the male equivalent of deodorant, and MAYBE axe body spray. The “natural” chicks you like look like this:
Ok, I was going to insert a picture of a natural chick, so I went to google to look. I typed in, “natural chick” into the image search, and all I got was pictures of unshaven women getting dicks shoved into them. Not something you want to look at. Ok it’s EXACTLY what I want to look at, but there might be old people watching, and they went through hippies and reaganomics, so lets give them some peace?
What was I saying? Oh yeah…
BIG HAIRY BUSH! JUST MOUNDS OF IT! THAT’S ALL THE IMAGES WERE! HOLY CRAP LADIES IT AIN’T 1872 ANYMORE, OK? THE CIVIL WAR IS LONG OVER, YOU CAN TRIM THE HEDGES!
ONTO THE PEANUT BUTTER!
That’s right my friends. We start the month off with bananas. You might ask yourself, “Why does John eat so many bananas?”
BECAUSE THEY’RE CHEAP AT RALPHS YOU IDIOT!
Lets make this short and sweet. I couldn’t taste any peanut butter. At all. NOTHING. Because the bananas were so HORRIBLE. Really, not ripe at all. Why do I do this? Why can’t I just eat them when they’re ripe? Fuck you.
ONTO THE SCORING!
Creamy no salt gets you:
A Superman slamming into a brick wall C-.
Creamy non sweetened organic peanut butter from whole foods gets:
A Wonder Woman kicking a dog C.
With an overall score of:
A picture of my hand resting on my desk.
Thank you.
