Lumberjack Express

WHAT!
ARE!
PEOPLE!
SEARCHING!
FOR!

*clap**clap**clap**clap**clap*YEYYY JOHN WE LOVE YOU!!!*clap**clap**clap**clap**clap*

Welcome to another exciting installment of, “What are people searching for?” This is the game that’s sweeping your mom. We take a peek at what people searched for on google, and this website came up as a result, and they clicked here to find what they were looking for!

Let’s begin!

1: Tik tok look at my butt: hahahaha it sounds like some sort of super awesome nursery rhyme.
2: take a moment and sit right here: someone’s having fresh prince flash backs.
3: love the month of march: We all do.  It’s the month of….well, it’s the month before Jesus comes back?
4: “Hairy bush” tumblr: Someone’s looking for porno on tumblr.  Not sure if it exists there.
5: What is the meaning of boys try to touch: go to college, and find out.
6: comic book wednesdays: this one’s a common search term.  It’s for stupid nerds who aren’t sure what day comic book wednesday is on.
7: lady gaga manifesto: I’m starting to believe that there’s a cult of people who believe Lady Gaga is going to start a communist rebellion.
8: It’s a freaking donut: No, it’s more than that you FOOL!

and finally:

9:My poop is light brown: Not 2 days go by where this search term comes up.  Listen idiots, it’s light brown because YOU EAT TOO MUCH PEANUT BUTTER!!!!

Tik tok look at my butt hahahahahahah

03.10.2010

So Ive decided to live blog my nightly walks. I can update my blog from my phone, so im typing as i walk.

These posts might not be interesting but they can’t suck as much as my lost blog posts. I can’t type and watch lost!

Ow my knee hurts.

I thought someone was ahea of me, but it was a post.

Someone just yodled or died.

Nothing.

My socks are too short.

This guy is driving without a bumper.

I haven’t taken my second dump of the day. My tummy is rumbling, why did I walk?

Exercise helps digestion and poopin. I’m in big trouble.

There’s a lot of giant trucks in Huntington beach. They keep me safe…or yell at me.

My eyes are burning a little bit.

I wish I lived near a winchells donuts

That fart should hold me over till I get home.

Everyone here are like reverse vampires. They only come out when it’s sunny. The night is great! If you’re a vampire.

Half way through my walk. Stomach starting to pick up speed. If I take a shit on the sidewalk I can use ny undershirt to wipe. This isn’t graphic this is REAL LIFE people!

It’s a quiet Wednesday night. Is south park on yet?

I love the smell of gas. Hello mr. Gas satation!

That guy in the raised ford bronco with the leather jacket thinks he’s cool. And he is.

I wish I could see more stars in Huntington beach. Like, Ben afflek or something.

My fingers are freezing.

Special help from the burp patrol.

I think I’m done with mashed potatoes for awhile. I’m switching to French fries.

Amber lamps! I can hear the amber lamps.

Uh oh.

The tidy bowl man’s gonna be pissed in a few minutes!

Just a couple more blocks.

I can see Orion’s belt! And there’s his penis.

“here comes John! John! John! How do you like the oscars?”
“Oh, I’m having a great time!”
“And what are you wearing?”
“Well, I’ve got on a pair of three year old running shoes…”
“Uh huh!”
“And I’m wearing a jcpenny white tshirt below an old navy sweatshirt! I’ve also got on a pair of heart boxer below some GAP jeans that I’m about to take a shit in!”
“Wonderful! Enjoy the show!”
“You too!”

Faster John!

Lotta white people in Huntington Beach.

I’m home.

PSYCHE! You probably read the last post and thought “aww, I gotta wait a whole day to read some comics?” But then you realized that I had posted all of these to show up at 5:31am and you didn’t miss shit, so it’s just me imagining stuff. Actually you’re probably reading this post FIRST then read the one below about Lost and go “what the fuck is he talking about? He DID post Comics early in the day?”

I fail at life.

Anywho, I WAS going to update this on Wednesday evening, as I’m super tired right now, but fuck it. Who gets comics on Wednesday night? We ALL go on Wednesday late morning/afternoon. That’s when the dorks converge on the “shop” as we like to call it, and get their crotches all giggling at the thought of Spiderman.

So feast your eyes below on 7 new comics! That’s what, 2 weeks in a row I’ve done 7 comics in a week? I’m on a roll! YEYEYEY!

Lost and Comics for everyone to enjoy tomorrow, good for you! No really, GOOD FOR YOU YOU MAKE ME PROUD!

READ THEM ALREADY DAMNIT!!!

It’s like horse hair…

Water water everywhere…

I gotta go first!!!

The 70’s are back! No bras and everything…

Arnold ain’t got shit on me!!!

And over there you see…uhm…dots…

Costanza would not be proud…

I love Lost.  Today I watched Lost with some friends at a thai restaurant in Long Beach.  We sat on the 2nd floor and watched it on the 60″ tv.  It was funny, because instead of turning the volume up on the tv, they played the sound over their speaker system in the restaurant.  So we were WATCHING Lost, but everyone else was LISTENING to Lost in the restaurant hahah.  It went from them piping in mellow top 40’s music to all of a sudden the sound of the smoke monster moving around.

As I was leaving the hostess/waitress lady stopped me and said “What are you studying for?” And I go “Oh, uhm, I’m just writing funny things in here…for…for my website…” and she just kept smiling and going “You have a class?  All of you?” I go “Huh?  No, we’re just friends, watching Lost?” and she goes “I thought you had an assignment, that’s why you all were watching that show.” hahahah she thought we were doing a group project on Lost, awesome!

That was the most normal story/joke you’ll ever hear from me.  FUCK YOU!

Anywho, great episode of Lost.  Stay tuned tomorrow for comic book Wednesday!  Which will be updated late in the day.  Next week I’ll do it earlier :/

Oh yeah! And the pictures look weird, but that’s because I put them at a higher resolution or some shit. Just click on the pic, it will open up in a seperate page, and you can read it better .