Am I the only person on planet Earth that says “Wed-nes-day?”  I can’t say “Wednesday” in my head.  It’s always “Wed-nes-day.”  And it takes FOREVER to say in my noggin!

Anywho, this week there’s 3 comics.  They’re not good, because I was drawing them as I tried to stare at the cool costumes at Comic Con.  I personally like the ones where it looks like someone procrastinated and just rolled around in their hamper and stuck a cape on it and drew a bat symbol over their chest.

So again, only 3 crappy comics this week.  I pray you enjoy them, because honestly, I didn’t.

CLICK THE PICTURE DAMNIT!

John and Unicorn have a twitter.  For the love of GOD don’t forget they have a twitter damnit!

Click the picture below, and you can SEE the twitter!

I can see which posts on my site receive more hits, and for some reason, the Lady Gaga Manifesto has been climbing steadily.

“Wat is that post, Jhon?”
“GET BACK IN THE CAGE!”

It’s this post:

http://hervatski.com/2010/03/04/lady-gaga-manifesto-part-3/

I liked it too, but not sure where the hits are coming from.  Spam?  Potatoes?  Perhaps, ice cream?  I’m hungry now

But not a verse to read.

Ok, so this week’s is old.  How old?  Just read it and you can put a date to it.  We’re catching up but never fear.

Today we discuss…discuss…We’re still on Genesis, so Phil Collins is running around somewhere with a leaf tied to his junk.  I’m not sure what we even discussed in this installment, but next week’s should be good.  Or far worse.  It’s either one.

Also, grammar is for losers.

Hervatski: Let us start talking slowly
Hervatski: For dost I eth still readem bibleth
Ca’ah’laig: I’m on lunch
Ca’ah’laig: WAIT
Hervatski: I’m on lunch too!
Ca’ah’laig: too many people here for me to discuss
Hervatski: Can we talk about wrestling yet?
Ca’ah’laig: soon. I’m watching world cup
Hervatski: I’m on the 5ths reading take your time
Ca’ah’laig: I didn’t finish yet
Hervatski: Me neither
Ca’ah’laig: I’m up to chapter 36
Ca’ah’laig: it’s getting crazy!
Hervatski: What the f you didn’t read either?
Hervatski: I’m on halter 42
Ca’ah’laig: no
Ca’ah’laig: but I’ll get caught up today
Hervatski: Behold! This bible study day hath been torn asunder!
Ca’ah’laig: let us wrestle it until it touches the hollow of our thighs!
Hervatski: Spake unto you
Ca’ah’laig: peradventure we might catch up
Ca’ah’laig: I shall build us an house

PERADVENTURE!

Comic con is many things, to each person, every year.  One year it could be a drunken escapade for you and your friends, and the very next it’s a business trip.  The most boring 5 days of your life could then become the best week you can remember, 365 days later.

5 days…I keep forgetting I go to this thing for 5 days…people go to Paris for 5 days…

Regardless of your view on the con, your experience, the way you take it all in, whatever it is, one thing is inescapable.  One thing so unique, that if any other industry truly realized what Comic Con had over them, they would be kicking themselves for missing it…

The fans.

The fans are what make Comic Con so special.  It sounds generic, trite, stupid, I know.  But it’s true.  No other industry, no other art, has fans like Comics.  Let’s not kid ourselves here either.  The fans at Comic Con are Comic fans.  They might show up for a movie panel, or a toy, but to their core, they’re Comics through and through.

Make a Comic fan, and you’ve got a devotee for life.  You have to do some very insane things to get a Comic fan to dislike you.  Show me just a LITTLE bit of attention, and I’ll follow you to the creative ends of the Earth.  You don’t see this in movies, you don’t see this on television, music, video games, whatever it is.  Comic fans are truly unique.

And it’s Comic Con that allows them the opportunity to show their devotion.  The person who draws your favorite super hero is sitting just mere yards away!  Walk up, say hi!  Start a conversation, tell them good day and…wait…is that your favorite writer sitting behind a table across the aisle?  You’ve got time, let them know you like their work and that you look forward to their next book!

Where else can you do that?  Is there a movie convention where in row 10 Angelina Jolie is sitting behind a table with sharpie in hand, waiting for you to approach her so she can sign your poster?  Is George Clooney speaking in a room with 40 people, describing his career and the lengths he took to get to where he is?  Of course not!

And yet they, we, get shit on from time to time by people in the industry.  Not often, but it happens.  And why?  These guys and girls traveled thousands of miles, from homes that honestly, some rarely vacate, through crowded airports, in stuffy planes, drove through unknown areas so they could eventually have the brief opportunity to tell you, to your face, that what you’re doing brings them happiness and joy.  That your creativity helps them get through some tough times, and imagine a better tomorrow.  And the only thing on your mind is when are they going to stop talking, when can you get up and leave for the day, when will they shut up and buy something from you?  Musicians would kill for such a vast population of rabid fans like this.  Fans that will continue to give them money long after they’ve overstayed their welcome in the medium.  Fans with genuine concern for the professionals they adore.  And you, ostracized earlier in your life, now return that same feeling to someone who just wants to show you their appreciation?

I for one love, and am, a Comic fan.  That’s why I love Comic Con.  Not for the actors, or the video games, or the movies, or the theatrics.  I love Comic Con because for 5 days out of the year, I’m able to be around people who share my appreciation for creativity and hard work.  Sure a few might not have the most up to date social skills possible, but the lack of skill is more than made up for by their pure love of the medium.  They’re not shy in their connection to the product they adore, though outside the convention they might never say a word.  That dual persona from the Comic fan keeps me coming back year after year…

Well hello out der in TV land! How are YOU doing today? Welcome back for July Peanut Butter Super Post of POWERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! Part 2. Today we explore the female reproductive system, and why you need to start sticking stuff up your cha-cha so as to not offend other church goers.
Let’s begin.

Oh sweet baby Jesus on crack YES! I LOVE Peanut Butter cups. Who doesn’t? Nazi’s probably. No, I bet they do too, they can’t be THAT evil, can they? EVERYONE loves Peanut Butter cups! And if they SAY they don’t, they’re just lying. They want to be unique and special butterflies by shitting all over Peanut Butter cups but they are NOT!

Speaking of which, both Reeces Peanut Butter cups look like they were shit on. And you STILL want to eat them!

Anyways, how were they? AWESOME, that’s how! It’s hard to fuck up a Peanut Butter cup, it really is. It’s chocolate and Peanut Butter. It’s like bacon and eggs. Even bad bacon and eggs is still delicious. “But my eggs were runny and watery!” Well, they weren’t bacon and eggs now were they? Stupid.

The crunchy Peanut Butter didn’t add much to the equation. It just tasted like a Reece’s that had some crunch to it. The smooth Peanut Butter was much the same as the chunky, as it only added a thicker consistency. I know you might think I’m crazy for adding more Peanut Butter to…oh…you don’t think I’m crazy? Oh…ok….

On a side note, whenever I see a reeces I think of Kyle reese from terminator. Then I think if Brian Austin green because he was kyle’s brother on terminator the Sarah Conner chronicles. Then i think of steve from beverly hills 90210 and then I think of the peach pit and I get ANGRY because there’s no WAY that place could be so busy all the time! That is BULLSHIT man!!!!

ONTO THE JUDGING!

Smart Balance smooth Peanut Butter gets…

A chef running away from a glue stick.

Smart Balance chunky Peanut Butter gets…

A shocked pair of boxers.

With an overall score of…

My checkbook.

Thank you.

But wait, THERE’S MORE!

Today’s lunch was a bag of Snyder’s garlic bread pretzel bites. I got the garlic bread version because I thought, hey, I’ve eaten the buttermilk ranch version plenty of times before, I should try another kind.

WRONG ASSHOLE! Never, EVER try anything new. You’ll only be disappointed! The garlic bread version isn’t too tasty, it doesn’t have that awesome kick like the buttermilk ranch version does. Also, it doesn’t taste like garlic bread. ALSO, a short italian dude isn’t yelling “MAMA MIA!” when you open the bag, as I THOUGHT he would.

So how do you spruce up some crappy pretzel bits? By adding Peanut Butter, SILLY! How was it though? Meh. It tasted like pretzel, plus Peanut Butter, plus some spices. Not garlic bread, but just…spices. I guess like dried basil? I dunno. I was not impressed. That. That there, is what she said.

What about the smooth? Just tasted like a thick tasting pretzel. I know that doesn’t make sense, but I’m a very busy man, I have many other things to do, I can’t stand around here and just bullshit about pretzels while you fucking-

ONTO THE JUDGING!

Smart Balance creamy Peanut Butter gets…

W

Smart Balance chunky Peanut Butter gets…

T

With an overall score of…

F

Thank you.

I have a twitter!  Well, John and Unicorn do.  See, twitter is a magical place where all your dreams can come true.  Are you a social outcast?  Do you want to give a giant 140 character F-U to the entire world?  Are you a dork who thinks he’s funny and draws stick figure drawings, when in fact he’s better suited and built to pull a plow on a farm in an eastern European country for little money, but all the cabbage he can eat?  God I love cabbage.  What’s the point of all of this again?  Life I mean, not this paragraph. I know the point of this paragraph: Nothing.  But life?  Life has to mean something?  You can be a winner at the game of LIFE!  Spin the wheel I’m on my way!  Move my piece collect my pay!  You can be a winner at the game of life!  Shit man, I’m losing it.  Ok, time to go sleep.  Night night.

Crap!  Also, click the picture below to go to the John and Unicorn twitter!  I promise you it’s funny.  If you don’t think it’s funny, I PROMISE YOU NOTHING!

Hoooooo….

It’s Comic Con 2010 this week, but if you’re not attending the con, I’m bringing the con to YOU!  That’s right, two John and Unicorn comics is essentially the same experience as going to a convention center filled with 120,000 people.  Literally, the same thing.

So have a gander at the new comics, I promise I’ll catch up on the comic front.  Just be shocked when one day there’s 20 new comics online.  Ok I won’t do 20 at one time as you’ll get sick of it, but maybe…7?  I say 7…

Ah fuck you stay stay stay!!! PHEW!!!

So click the link below for the two new comics!  Remember you can click on the comic to go to the next one!  Have fun at space camp everybody!!!

And here are your top stories:

Ca’ah’laig: It smells like old pizza in my cubicle
Hervatski: I read
Hervatski: Let us begin.
Hervatski: Jacob’s kind of a douche, no?
Hervatski: He took esau’s birthright
Hervatski: Where exactly did they all live that Esau was close to death from hunger yet his dad had a shit ton of land and seed everywhere
Hervatski: Also God promised like 5 people that their descendant would number all the stars in the sky
Hervatski: That’s like 5 skys of stars!
Hervatski: Listen up heyah! Come buck naw!
Hervatski: Conversation time where are you!
Ca’ah’laig: I here
Ca’ah’laig: Esau didn’t care about being the first born and the responsibility of it
Ca’ah’laig: He wasn’t dying of hunger he just thought so little of his birthright that he was like fuck, I’d rather have some red, red stew
Hervatski: Wtf
Hervatski: Serious?
Hervatski: The radio edit of dmx “up in here” is the sweetest thing ever
Hervatski: He cussed every 3rd word and they edit each one out with a different sound effect
Hervatski: In some parts it’s just a cavalcade of sound effects
Hervatski: Dude notice a pattern in the bible?
Hervatski: At th beginning of a diludes story it’s about him having one wife and doing crap
Hervatski: Then it devolved to just all these chicks he’s having sex with
Hervatski: Issac had this epic story and then just him having sex with 80 handmaiden
Hervatski: How do boogers solidify so fast from snot?

How?

Everything’s sort of been put on hold for the last month or two while I get ready for San Diego Comic Con.  What is San Diego Comic Con you ask?  Well, the below link should help you out in that regard:

Comic Con

But that’s neither here nor there, nor is it under the couch, next to 2 skittles and 4 cheetos.  I love cheetos.

To make up for my lack of Peanut Butter posting, I figure I’d post a bigger Peanut Butter post today.  It won’t be as elaborate or creative as previous ones, nor will it be funny, also as always it will NOT be informative or make any sort of sense unless you’re tripping balls on paint thinner.  Not the cheap paint thinner from home depot either, I’m talking the dunn edwards brand name shit, SON!

Don’t do drugs.

Today’s format will have 4 pictures total for each Peanut Butter.  The establishing shot, the grades, then the nut shot.  So let’s begin!

First up we got…

CHEESE!  Medium cheddar cheese that is.  I love cheese, everyone knows this.  And if they don’t, they know it now.  Cheese is just a perfect food.  It’s salty, creamy, and delicious.  That’s what she said.  It goes with anything, and just makes EVERYTHING better.  That’s the thing, it makes OTHER things better.   You can’t add things TO cheese, and make the cheese better.  That’s like adding laser eyes to Santa Claus.  It’s no longer santa, it’s now the thing in my dreams that chases me through JCPenny.

Overall, it was GOOD, but it was good in it’s components.  Together they didn’t really help one another out.  Each one helps out the food they’re on, but in this case, their powers combined and they became worthless, like captain planet.  The smart balance Peanut Butter is actually pretty good, though.  I’m pleasantly surprised that something that’s supposed to take a typically fattening food and make it not so fattening, is pretty good.  Would I buy this over Jiff?  Possibly.  Depends if I’m on a healthy food kick but still want to slather Peanut Butter on my bacon.  And the cheese?  Well, I don’t want to BRAG, but it’s TILLAMUCK!  Tillamuk?  Tillamook.

Onto the judging!

Smart Balance smooth Peanut Butter gets…

Superman riding a bicycle.

Smart Balance chunky Peanut Butter gets…

A tree farting.

With an overall score of…

Your mom.

Thank you.

Well hello again!  Onto Peanut Butter numero dos, eh?

What do we have up now?

Mmm…I like nothing more after a long day of work than some tomatoes and Peanut Butter, right ladies?

I love tomatoes, I really do.  Ever since I was a kid, they’ve fascinated me and educated me on the importance of color in many beautiful salads.  Also, they taste good with salt.  So I sat here thinking “Hey, I’m having a bowl of tomatoes for dinner, why not add some Peanut Butter to it?”  Yes.  A bowl of tomatoes was my dinner.  I came home late, and all I had were tomatoes.  So what?  Who are YOU to judge!  I see you picking your nose in your car, DIRTY!

FYI: I pick my nose CONSTANTLY in the car.  It’s as if the windows are only one way, and yet…they are not.

So how were they?  Not good.  The tomatoes weren’t good at all.  You can’t have tomatoes and Peanut Butter without good tomatoes.  These had tough skins and were a bit sour, just a little bit.  Together they were OK, but I’m not paying 2 bucks for tomatoes for JUST ok.

ONTO THE JUDGING!

Grape tomatoes with Smart Balance smooth Peanut Butter gets…

A glass of orange juice.

Grape Tomatoes with Smart Balance chunky Peanut Butter gets…

A flower growing out of a shoe.

With an overall score of…

A turtle surfing.

Thank you.